The Big Chop...2 weeks later

so about a week and a half ago, i ended my weeks...nay...months of torture and cut off all the relaxed hair on my head.

all of it.

and i gotta admit, i don't regret it in the least.

ok, ok, let me step back a moment from my billy bad ass steeze and say how it all REALLY went down:

i went to the hairdresser with the intention of getting my hair set on small rods again. but i knew that i was in a little bit of a jam with my hair because a lot of the curls had come out and the relaxed hair was a wee bit matty.

it had been two weeks since i'd combed my hair. the situation was grim, my friends!

walking to my car, i was talking to a friend and i bounced the idea of just cutting the hair off. she cautioned me from doing something too extreme and suggested i just trim some of the perm off until i'd grown my hair some some more.

i took that into consideration, but i still planned on talking to my hairdresser about going ahead with the big chop. my main questions were this:

how much unprocessed hair do i actually have on my head and can i pull this look off without looking like The Brown Hornet?

once i got in the chair, however, i was still undecided about what to do. i was still a little skittish about getting the big chop too soon, but i was devastated about how my relaxed hair lost curl and refused to regain it, leaving me these Sylvester the Cat wings hanging off the sides of my head.

you really really really start to resent your relaxed hair while you are transitioning. funny, because it used to be that you couldn't live without your perm, every 6 weeks. now, the same thing that made your hair more manageable was fucking up your life!

....anyhoo...

any wavering i felt completely melted when my hairdresser sat me in the shampoo bowl. and started washing my hair.

well, we all know what happened next, right? large matted clots of relaxed hair. and who do you think really felt like submitting to getting those mats combed out, mats of hair that you had no intention of keeping anyway, mats of hair that betrayed your best efforts at a decent hairdo??

well, i can tell you who definitely didn't feel like it. and so i asked:

"Fran...what do you think about just cutting it off to my new growth?"

she was very positive and very supportive. and she cut my hair.

and i love it.

a quick note on my daily routine:

wet hair in the shower, apply Marc Anthony Strictly Curls Frizz Sealing Conditioner, running my ringers through to detangle and clean. let sit for about 15 minutes and then rinse with lukewarm water. shake excess water out of hair and then apply Vigorol curling mousse all over.

let air dry while getting me and kids ready for day.

it's that simple. this is my result!

if i had known how much easier cutting my hair was going to make my life, i swear i would have done it a long time ago. and at this point, i honestly cannot remember why i was so frightened.

and that is the very real, super true story of how i stumbled my way into a Big Chop.

anyone fearfully considering the Big Chop, you can do this. do your research, look at videos and photos online, and believe you can do this. you will not regret it.

before i cut my hair, i told a coworker how much i liked how Solange had cut her hair. she asked me "why don't you just go ahead and cut your hair too?" and i replied "because i'm not that brave."

huh. turns out i was.

it's all about how ya say it!

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kinks on the scalp and in the mind

"Don't remove the kinks from you hair, remove them from your brain." - Marcus Garvey

"You sho' is UGLY!" - Shug

i'm starting to understand why some people consider natural hair to be political or controversial. it all starts when someone who has his or her own thoughts about hair, beauty, gender roles, and relational norms imposes those standards onto you. and then, and here's the shell game!....when you resist that tide, BAM:

controversy.

i had a talk with the man i kiss about transitioning my hair. he took it in stride. he even told me he completely agreed with my decision to lock my hair. i thought to myself "that was probably the easiest conversation a woman has ever had about making a drastic change to her hair!"

but the one time i told him it was my intention of cutting my hair off completely, he must have blocked it from his mind. i mean i know he heard me, but as with most things that make no sense to him, he apparently just blinked through it and waited for me to stop making noise.

this past sunday, we were watching the BET awards and saw kanye west and his girlfriend amber rose. my kissing mate said "WHO is that! her hair makes her look like a dude!"

i said "you think so?"...thinking to myself with a body like that, she would never be confused with a man, but who wants to point that crap out to your kissing mate and set yourself up for sitting through an extended ogling session?....

"i was totally going to cut my hair off like that," i finished, almost offhandedly.

"yeah, right." he answered, equally offhandedly with a smattering of panic i believe i heard along the edges.

"no really! i was totally gonna..."

"YEAH.RIGHT." he finished.

which, in my mind, equated to "good day sir, I SAID GOOD DAY!"

i let it go, only because i'd changed my mind already anyway. but still.

does any other group on the face of the world get as much static about hair than the black woman? and while it's true that black men experience their own share of criticism if their hair doesn't fit a certain acceptable image (corporate fro, anyone?), i believe black women more often than others experience the critical eye when it comes to our hair length, texture, and style.

will it ever be possible to move past the belief that extremely short hair is masculine or boyish, no matter how feminine and attractive the woman beneath the scalp is? am i missing the point by wishing for this look to be socially acceptable because isn't the point to not really give a good damn what other people think so long as you like what you see?

easier said than done. no one wants to feel less attractive, let alone to their mate. and stepping outside societal norms is a little scary. ok, a lot scary. but it's a journey worth taking, in the long run.

am i right?

for colored girls when transitioning is not enough: ILLEGAL EDITION

Boss: can you come to my office for a moment.

Me: sure.

(later)

Boss: shut the door....i'm going to say something and i don't want you to take this the wrong way: i realize that when you have a baby, especially when you have two, you have to prioritize and spend your money money on things related to the care of the kids. but i want to take this (passes over a $50 bill) and go get your hair done.

Me:....thanks for the tip, but i won't be getting a relaxer.

Boss: you better!

Me: well, i'm not.

Boss: you better, or Pow! right in the kisser!

Me: nope, not gonna do it. but again, thanks for the tip!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my boss has an inter-office reputation of saying and doing things that are rude, obnoxious, and inappropriate. and unfortunately, i can't honestly say this incident takes the cake when it comes to this type of workplace behavior.

but i will say this:

even though i know it happens, i don't think i really prepared myself for push back during this transition phase. and facing it like that, i was just astounded by the audacity of the words, as well as embarrassed that i had been "called out" like that. it's not the first time my hair has been thrown into the conversation pot at work, but it was definitely the least pleasant.

it is really interesting that black hair texture, the real stuff that grows out of your scalp, is only appropriate if you are male. while the conk had it's run there for a while...oh, and there was that shameful chapter in black american history called The Jheri Curl...for the most part, black men have been allowed to wear their own hair on their head with little to no static. but thanks to a beauty standard i didn't ask to adhere to, i was basically admonished by a black man that my hair needed to be done. and by done, i believe he meant straightened.

anyway, re-read the exchange. it just gets more and more curious the more you turn it over in your head.

Jane Carter Solution! Lissen UP!

My Transition Buddy let me know she's found a product that is amazing!



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Transition Buddy raved that it made her hair soft, shiny, and manageable. she's also very impressed that it is full of natural, healthy ingredients. She was able to find it at Whole Foods in her city and found that, even though it's a 4 oz container, it is well worth the money.

I found a product review for your consumption. LOVE this girl's hair!!!



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Mahogany Curls Youtube Channel

for colored girls when transitioning is not enough

picture it, Charlotte, NC, 5:00 pm, babysitter's......

Babysitter: i saw you talking to /redacted/'s mommy this morning in the driveway. how was that conversation?

Me: fine. i was talking to her about her sisterlocs.

Babysitter: oh, really?

Me: yeah. but, i do have a problem i need to talk to you about.

Babysitter: just go ahead and get a relaxer.

Me:....and the problem has nothing to do with my hair.

Babysitter: oh!

inner Me: awwwwkwarrrrrrd!

Let's get this party started!

ok, actually, i got this party started in February. after a false start. see, what had happened was....

I was talking to a friend of mine around January. she was telling me about how she'd decided to go natural. this was something i have toyed with on and off since 1993, and i decided to make that move too. and i totally invited myself along for the journey. and i felt pretty good about that choice, too.

And so, on a cold day in February, i went to my my hairdresser ...The Miracle Worker...for my usual appointment and to inform him that i was not going to be getting anymore relaxers. i was RESOLUTE, i tell you!

So much so, that as i sat in the chair and he looked at me and asked "what are you getting done today," i opened my mouth and loudly, proudly proclaimed

"....i need a relaxer!!!!"

Yes, i cracked just that easily. i think my heart was even racing. i know for sure one eye was tearing up.

And that's the thing i want to address out the gate: i'm not making this change because i have a generalized, wide-sweeping opinion about whether or not black women should relax their hair. but i do have a pretty strong opinion about whether or not i need to continue to relax MY hair. i'm making this move for myself and i have concrete reasons behind it. more on that in a few...

So that is how February 20th, 2009 became the date of my last relaxer. and now that it's been almost 4 months since then, things on my head are really starting to get interesting.

stay tuned....